Crazy Amazing Abundance

For someone who is unemployed and poorer than I’ve ever been as an individual, I have some crazy amazing abundance in my life. Not only are ALL of my material and emotional needs met, but I get the perfect amount of extra that helps keep my soul fed (the occasional Fleur de Sel Dark Caramel mocha (heaven on my tongue!), soft scarves to keep me warm, books I can learn from, art supplies for creative blessings I can give away, cultural experiences to inspire me, a website for my new project, essential items of stylish clothing for interviews/work, and my daughter home for x-mas).

I realize as I am writing this that I feel like George Bailey in It’s a Wonderful Life (yes, I am one of those sentimental people who watches it every year, because it’s all about generosity and community and those are my favorite things about being human). After 20+ years of giving all of myself to my family and community, I am being held in love and generosity in ways I would have never even thought to wish for.

And this is probably why I’m still unemployed. Because I NEED to experience this. I need to experience being loved without having to earn it or work to deserve it in some way. I need to experience the reciprocity of generosity. I need to fill up every cell of my being with this rocket fuel of love so that when I am ready, I can go back out into the world in and serve in even bigger (and healthier!) ways. What my family is giving me in these first months in Portland is fueling new visions and inspirations of ways I can contribute to my new community as an artist, a community builder, and an activist.

I can imagine the flame of this love we are living spreading to each person we touch as individuals and as a tribe. I imagine our Fire sparking other Fires, communities of people coming together with the intention to be real and hold each other in all the complexities of our humanness. I imagine more alternative families, chosen families and tribes. I imagine various sorts of intentional communities that provide the belonging, support and resource sharing that allows everyone in the community to thrive. I imagine networks of communities that are prepared to step in to support one another if infrastructure falls apart in our cities and towns. I imagine our children, disabled, elders and dying being honored and included for their places in the community and cared for with compassion. Every single one of them.

I imagine places where we can speak the truth about injustice and actually listen to each other. I imagine restorative justice. I imagine places where we practice ways to nurture connection and empathy. I imagine places where we figure out how to include EVERYONE – no matter their physical, intellectual, emotional or other differences.

As my tribe holds me in this uncertain and culturally defined “unproductive/unsuccessful” place, they are actually putting me back together, healing me in the deepest possible ways, and making me whole. My intuition tells me that when I finally burst out of this cocoon, it’s going to be a blazing revelation. I have returned from the Heroine’s journey and I am bringing the story of my transformation back to my community. I descended into the Underworld and not only survived some gnarly emotional landscapes, but turned every single one of them into gardens of love and beauty. I have something to share about how to navigate those dark, chaotic places. And how to rise from the ashes. And not just how to navigate the process of transformation as individuals, but also how to hold each other as we travel through it.

My point is that this abundance I am experiencing is just going to keep growing, far beyond me and us. As we share with each other, we are exponentially growing the goodness we share out in the world with others. The people we work with. The people we socialize with. The people we circle with.

I am humbled and my heart is exploding with gratitude for being one link in the spectacular chain of love and generosity that grows with each new connection.

P.S. I think I just wrote the beginnings of a manifesto for the project that I’m incubating. And the beginnings of a proposal for a session at a conference-in-the-form-of-a-summer-camp that I want to attend next year. That’s awesome! That’s more abundance from you to me! Thank you for listening and being a link in the chain with me!

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