I know some people have been worried about me lately because of my posts about my birth mother grief and my dark night experience. I want to let you know that in the honoring and expressing of my emotional truth, I am actually starting to feel better. I am starting to feel like myself in ways that I haven’t the past three years. I feel movement and healing within my heart and soul. I am returning to habits that soothe my heart like reading, writing, and creative expression. The darkness is receding.
While I need to give voice to my doubts, my hurts, my questions, and even my rage, I know in the depths of my heart that I will be resilient and that I will turn my pain into beauty. That is who I am. For some reason I am hard wired to process my experiences publicly through Facebook and blogging, which gives people a view into raw emotion in a way that the most of the world tries to avoid. I know that can be hard to sit with and not try to help or fix. I appreciate all of you who just hold me with compassion and love.
I am an emotional truth teller, in my own life and in the world. And I think it’s a vital gift in our culture where emotion is denied for the sake of professionalism, getting along, and avoiding suffering. We need to learn to hold space for our emotions, especially our grief and our anger, our own and other peoples’. I am learning how I haven’t held space for myself in recent years and I am simultaneously deepening my capacity to hold space for the difficult emotions of those I love. Already there is beauty being woven from the pain.