For the past year I was deep in the chrysalis of transformation. Actually, it’s been a solid four years of feeling like I’m between states of existence. Every time I thought I was emerging with some kind of stable identity and environment, I was pushed back into the chrysalis and reduced to goo again.
I physically moved four times. One of these moves began the sharing life with my partner. One of these moves was from my hometown to a new city and into someone else’s home. One of these moves was an attempt to share a home with another couple. The last move was a retreat to a tiny apartment with my husband.
I gave up a good job to relocate. I was unemployed for 9 months, for the first time in a 15 year career. I was hired by one org and then reduced to half time. I was hired by another org half time. Then I was involuntarily terminated for the first time ever by both orgs in the same month (think the Universe was giving me a message?!).
I got pregnant by accident at 39. I had a beautiful baby and shared him in what was supposed to be radically open adoption. Then I gave up my chosen family and the relationship I had with my birth son to process my birth mother grief and trauma in safety.
I shifted from full time mothering of my young adult children to having no children at home. This is the hardest part of my life overhaul. I thought I would be thrilled to be childless. That’s why I shared my third child in adoption. But it turns out I feel purposeless without children to nurture. The meaning of my life was based on being a mother. This realization left me reeling and completely unsure of who I am.
I spent the past nine months piecing myself back together, healing unresolved trauma from years and years of emotionally abusive relationships, nurturing a safe and solid foundation at home with my partner (we got married!), and incubating the work of my heart.
Now I am here, writing to you about the ways I am breaking out of the chrysalis and unfurling my wings. I overhauled my website and put up my Work With Me pages. I am working one on one with people in the throes of transformation by offering Transformation Talismans, Blessings & Rituals for Transformation, and Refuge Sessions (which include Tarot readings). I am also seeking Stories of Belonging (or lack thereof) for my book research and to deepen my work in radical inclusion. And occasionally I will be sending out original content through the I Include You Love Notes.
The nature of the posts on the blog are going to change as well. While I will always be a vulnerable and personal writer, I also intend to write essays on belonging and radical inclusion, share about projects and spaces where belonging and inclusion are nurtured, and share resources regarding facing transformation with intention. I intend to remain authentic to who I am as a writer while increasing my value to my community through my research and my work.
Those of you subscribed to the blog have been with me along time and I am grateful for your witness and your quietly unwavering support. I hope you’ll consider deepening our relationship through the options above.