A Reminder of How I Shine My Light


When I co-produced sex positive parties I was the hostess that trained and led the Vibes Crew. We had a Security Crew that managed the exterior and doors of the event, a Dungeon Crew to manage the separate space for BDSM activities, and Vibes Crew for nurturing the spirit of welcome, belonging, acceptance, permission, education (especially about consent and appropriate boundaries for voyeurism), and care when things were hard. It was their responsibility to make sure everyone who walked in the door had a positive interaction and felt seen, to dance if no one was moving, to initiate games, to monitor the blue room where people could go to chill out, and to watch for people who were overly intoxicated (who were sent home by cab due to inability to consent).

At all-staff meetings I would lead a mini Vibes training because we wanted everyone to embody our values of radical inclusion and finding something to appreciate in every person they interacted with. It is our staff who set the tone for events and contributed to every event being joyful and transformational for participants. It’s an amazing experience to be at a party where you know people are actively looking for the best in you rather than what could make you an other. Until The Impropriety Society I had always felt like an other and on the edges of any community I participated in. Something always made me different. Until The Imps where I could include all of myself as a queer sex-positive kinky femme, a human lover, an artist, a writer, a leader, a community builder, and a single parent (because children were part of our lives outside of events).
At our all-staff meetings I would have us do some sort of interactive exercise that required some vulnerability, because sex positive parties are extremely vulnerable, whether it’s showing more skin than we are used to or expressing our sexuality in front of others or hoping to meet someone or opening to expansive ideas of love and relationship, everyone walks in feeling vulnerable in some way. So, for this particular activity I had everyone tape a piece of paper to their back and then write something kind on everyone else’s paper so that we would each have a page full of the ways we shine our light and are seen. It’s been several years now, but I keep this posted to the wall by my bed so I can remember the ways that others see me shining. I hope others kept this reminder of their goodness and beauty.


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