18th Story of Transgression: I Dwell in Vulnerability

I feel as though I came out of the womb without the instinct to protect myself. Vulnerability is my nature. The idea of needing protection lies somewhere outside of me and I never absorbed it. I just don’t think in those terms. I think in terms of connection and intimacy and care. And so yes I get hurt. I’ve been hurt in a hundred different ways, but I can’t stop being myself in this way. 

What I have learned is how to make myself safe and how to have boundaries when violence of any kind comes my way.

I speak and share my heart experiences because the heart is my dwelling place. While I have intellectual tendencies, it is the heart that moves and motivates me. I once did a visualization exercise where we were supposed to see our safe soul space and mine was a giant, living heart that I could move in and out of. Everyone else saw external places like gardens, but I just saw/felt literal heart.

I do not do vulnerability to be performative or to manipulate. I have no expectation of others to respond or reciprocate. I risk rejection and heartbreak on the regular. It’s just how I am made.

Despite cultural rules about so called acceptable ways of self expression, which usually replace image for substance, I simply believe my whole self deserves to take up space, and yours, too. This is part of radical inclusion, inviting our full selves to the table and relating in and from that vulnerable space.

People talk about shiny Instagram lives, mine is not one of those. You’ll only get real here. No reality is taboo. Joy and grief. Sex and money. Success and failure. I share it all. Because this is being human and I refuse to be shamed for any part of it.


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